This is a consequence of two truths, that cannot find a middle ground.

Creating a disconnect.

What is the root of this disconnect?

Love.

On one side you have parents who loved their children.

And on the other you have children who felt unloved by their parents.

Why is there a gap?

Well on the parents side…

Parents are vulnerable to the same challenges all people are vulnerable to.

Which is a distorted self image.

They view themselves through limited lenses.

And paint the story in a way that removes the flaws.

So a parent may look at a child and say…

➥ I fed you
➥ I clothed you
➥ I took care of you

How dare you accuse me of neglect?

And in a value system that expresses love through actions.

They might be right

But if you look deeper…

At the intent behind the actions.

Many parents have done these things not all the way in service of the child.

But they may have done so selfishly.

How you may ask?

Because we are social creatures, which means reputation matters.

And in most of society…

There is an expectation to be a good parent.

To raise a good child.

Many parents take the right action to provide for their child, but often not in an act of love.

It’s in an act of obligation.

Which can go too far, where parents push their child to the extremes.

Because of their ego.

They want the kid to be the best in:

➥ Music
➥ Sports
➥ Education

All because they want the validation of knowing they’ve done a good job.

“My child is the best!”

From the child’s point of view…

They can sense this misplaced intent.

They innately realize the acts of care or not truly in interest of the child first.

It’s an ego driven pursuit where actions are disguised as a benefit to the child.

While, yes, the child may benefit…

It’s more of a side benefit to the ego’s demands.

In a different scenario there are…

Parents who had a rough upbringing.

Because their own childhood was tough.

They heavily internalized this experience.

Which led them to carry great judgement against their parents or life.

They set out with the goal of correcting the problem.

Yes for the child’s benefit, but….

More secretly to avenge and protect themselves.

Deep down…

The intent isn’t to love the child.

It’s selfishly driven.

The parent knows the weight of their judgement to their own parents.

So they innately fear when their own judgement day comes.

Either from themselves, or the child.

Which makes most of their parenting behavior a calculated effort.

All in effort to protect themselves…

From feeling the self-loathing or shame from potentially failing as a parent.

It’s like a soul only making the right decision because God is watching.

This carries much different energy…

Than doing things out of love.

This does not mean that the parent doesn’t care about the child.

Or did not take the right set of actions.

Again…

The child perceives from intent.

The child is noticing that the actions are originating from shame rather than love.

And they yearn for the love energy.

Later in life when the adult child attempts to open that conversation and restore the love.

Many parents escape that conversation.

They won’t allow the child to pursue harmony by coming together and sharing stories.

Because of this deep rooted fear for…

Judgement Day.

This doesn’t mean the parent is the core problem.

The child carries equal weight…

Because the parent in some ways, appropriately fears judgement day.

Why?

Adult children today often lack accountability.

They want to blame everything and everyone for their problems.

They carry a common mindset of victim mentality.

With little effort to go within.

Many adult children believe their parents are responsible for all of their failures.

➥ Inability to succeed in life
➥ Socially challenges
➥ Lack of resilience

Even if the parents did a measurably good job providing the child.

The child skews the scale in personal favor.

And because love was missing, they perceive nothing else matters.

This point of view also lacks perspective…

Even if the child has the awareness to take accountability.

It’s often difficult for them to help heal without casting blame towards the parents

I believe…

These are some of the many reasons parents and adult children are at odds today.

These more recent generations of children have a higher capacity for feeling.

And they are able to sense when love is missing.

Because of this…

They overlook the actions and only see the selfish intent.

Even if actions were done without malice and desperate for self preservation in a challenging world.

This puts a strain on the relationship.

The parent analyzes from their actions and believes…

“How could you think I’ve failed you when I’ve provided for you all your life”

The child on the other hand…

Analyzes from the intent behind actions and believes…

“How could you believe you provided for me when your actions were missing love and more selfish than you think?”

Does this mean either is right?

Yes and no?

On a spiritual level value dynamics has changed

Consciousness has risen rapidly in the last few decades.

Previous generations did not grow up in a time where intent weighed as heavily.

Actions mattered much more.

These are remnants of an era of survival and competition.

Today…

We are heading into the territory of feeling.

It’s more perception based, harmonious and sensory.

Many children are now more informed that all the generations before them.

They have…

Read all the books…

Heard all the podcasts…

And watched all the videos…

But they have only gained limited wisdom.

It’s wisdom without love, which is chaotic.

The adult child has often not yet learned to initiate through self love.

When one party is able to inspire the other to have self love first.

This creates the opportunity for growth.

Because they will approach the healing journey not for blame, criticism or judgement.

But for harmony.

When parent or child can make the other feel safe… to have that conversation.

The conversation will present itself.

Adult children could benefit from understanding that..

Their parents aren’t accountable for all of their problems.

And parents could benefit from knowing that they could’ve done their best.

And their best fell short for that specific child.

Because no one is perfect.

And two things can be true.

Many of the child’s problems are not a result of the parents.

It’s a systemic problem and…

Both sides are suffering.

They’re not noticing that society has failed them.

And in order to fix it…

It requires that parent and child come together.

Instead of pointing fingers at each other.

Know that…

Evolution comes with growing pains.

If we have a little more grace…

We can realize that love is infinite.

Each person is doing the best to bring love into reality

From their level of perception.

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